ArchStar

First of all, I've finally re:activated, which is a weird way to think of all the things that are happening in my life. When I sit and think of all that's going on I'm nearly brought to tears!

Anyway, a lot of things have happened. Many. Numerous; too many to count - though I should have just been a little more disciplined and blogged like I had told myself long ago. This is hoping when I re:flect from now on I write down the hard facts.

So, let's re:start.

I'm 20, attending architecture school, and finally out of a horrible cycle that was re:taking classes. It's every student's fear and to be completely honest I still have to re:take a course but it won't be near the level of severity it was and I won't feel the shame I did when all of my classmates moved forward without me. Well, all except one.

I was supposed to have begun this on the 1st of January, but my year did not start out as planned as I got drunker than I should have at a party I shouldn't have been at on a night that I shouldn't have gone out. The whole idea is horrible when I play it back in my mind, but I must learn from my first night of this new decade and know what I should have done right. After all, I have a new job now!

I guess it was only natural that I shift from ice cream to gelato. I know work at a nice place with pretty eccentric co-workers but nonetheless I really like them all a lot! I hope that by working there I can improve my service skills and be able to read what people want and to make that happen to the best of my abilities.

School starts in two weeks! I can believe that winter break will be over soon, but then again it won't. These past three weeks have flowed by with such elegance that I will likely never know it again. I feel though, that it is life giving me that feeling of re:newal without really doing anything.

This is why I'm re:Activate.

I write it in such a way because I've become aware that I need to be a full actor in my life. I think for the past few years that I've been at school I've lost that idea of being aggressive, of being active, of knowing what you are doing and being center-stage in your own life. But I can't do that anymore. There are too many things at stake. I know a lot is happening that is much more than myself, but I feel that I have the power, mind, and will to improve the situation, even if it's only a little bit.

I will be the catalyst.

It's interesting to say I now have the tools to be fully my own. Without a romantic interest (the first in a very long time - actual or unrequited) I look to myself and I re:view my past. Never forget your past. People say the new year is about forgetting and starting new but it's not. It's about re:viving oneself, like the phoenix. Know where you came from, re:instill the good and distill the bad.

I know that if I make the commitment to myself and to no one else, I will succeed.

I will save.

I also have work in the morning so I will TRY to sleep now. Here's to the start of perfection.