I made the best of my last full weekend of partying, though in all honesty I didn't finish all of my homework yet; that and I really haven't begun my Design work that is due Wednesday. I'm not really worried about it, though I wonder if that is because of my confidence in my abilities or the fact that I feel I'm slowly receding back again. It's never good when I feel I'm watching my own life happen - I don't like it. I know I'm doing better than I have before, but still the thoughts creep in. Especially when I get caught up in my appearance, which isn't something I like, either. Going out Saturday night was redeeming in the fact that I received multiple compliments on my outfit and even more regarding my tie, but it doesn't help the fact that I'm only just a cute face to most and largely ignored. I have my friends and that is nice, but even then it's like an ensemble cast: we each play our different parts and work off each other. For once, I'd like to be the main star, I want someone to make me their lead. Though I know in the back of my mind that I am happy being single and that I need to focus on school and not getting a significant other. ><>
Throughout the night I was also etching down some lyrics and such b/c they came out randomly when I was reflecting on what's gone on. Hopefully they spark something in you, whether good or bad.
Something dark:
Just want to clench up and curl into the smallest thing that you'll never see
Leave me be
Hiding under the covers like no other the world I hope never sees
Don't watch me shatter like glass
Just look pass
Don't even gaze at my glazed over eyes
Don't hear my muffled cries
Don't touch my trembling hands
Because you don't understand the pain is stranger than the way that I feel
Something happy:
"I'm just an innocent
I'm just a heaven sent
A seraph with the best intentions
Unfortunately human in definition
That's why I wear my sins
All with a little grin
I only mean the best
And until I lay to rest
I'll still have Him on my mind"
Monday is the start of something great.
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