http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiXjYDKv2Mc&feature=channel


Let's rewind about 2 weeks and go through a lot of stuff.

Turned in my scholarship app for arch school - hopefully my poignant essay garners me a couple of bucks here or there.

Joined an a Capella group called 'One Note Stand.' Yes, I sing.

But most of all, took a site trip to San Antonio! If you don't know what a site trip is, basically students travel to the 'theoretical' site that they will be developing for Design. Our area is River North - an expanse that is slated for redevelopment and in a highly urban area. It goes without saying that I was uuuuuuber excited! Overall the two-day trip was like a mini-vaction: lots of observation; unbelievably beautiful weather; and best of all - no real work! It seems that this semester has taken a noticeable drop in work load (so far). I can only say that for my studio though - our professor is decidedly less intense than the others (and far more incapable of using technology hahaha) much to the chagrin of my fellow year mates. O.o Basically we are targets of anger, but in fact the current situation has caused some people to go insane! That's what happens when ass kissers aren't told where to put their lips. lmao
Last week was an insane week of work that was mostly me keeping preoccupied and distracted from the day of dread, which is - Valentine's Day. This is basically the theme of my life currently - think tristesse et joie - I'm higher and happier than I've been in a long time, and yet, that one thing is missing from my life and it seems like that space is getting bigger. It's a bit ironic that though I've lost weight, I now feel bigger than I did 25 lbs ago. sigh. Overall I think I'm just going to let it go; it doesn't help that my current love interest (yes, I have one now) was cruised within an hour of arriving at our hotel for the site trip (yes he is a studio mate). If anyone ever tells you that they've never liked anyone in architecture that is an architecture major, they are lying. Or they have a bf/gf and even then it's questionable.
For now, I prepare for the day and focus on now - deciding on how we (as a group) want River North to look like and finishing up my Italian homework after missing class two days out of three lectures. I just figured I should have milked my cold for as much as I could have. Here's hoping my happiness shines through and I don't feel like my life is hurtful.

Updating soon! Sick + behind = more behind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csbWGQOhsHA


It doesn't help with anything when I wake up late like today. Granted, I woke up at 4am, but still, when you end up sleeping for 9 hours then you've already slept too much. Especially as an architecture student. At least I woke up just in time to listen to Fearne Cotton on BBC Radio 1, she's my favorite show on it and it's live from 4-6:45. That and I can freak out about how much work is left to be done! On top of that, I have to make sure to finish all my work due today on top of finishing all the Design work officially due tomorrow. Ugh, it never helps to be this busy, but alas it happens. At least Italian was fun yesterday - we began discussing a good holiday experience. I couldn't think of anything at first; it's hard to remember a lot of things when you live for now. But one that really stuck out was Spring Break last year. I have to say that was my one of my most favorite breaks of all time. I was able to relax fully and enjoy a full week in Austin w/o any obligations. I can't wait for Spring Break again, it's going to be absolutely amazing! Yesterday I also finished and turned in my scholarship application for the school of architecture. I just hope that goes well and I can get something. I know the university will make it so I'm covered when it comes to what I need, but to be able to have full range of expression and not worry about money just makes it that much better. And it's a load off. Here was my essay response.

To be an architect means to be a designer. It is to have the ability to move your hand, and with that movement – that stroke of genius – one can move mountains, level forests, and build civilizations. This is the amazing power we have as designers of the built environment. My career goal is to find ways to mend both the artificially built and the natural environment into a place; that is, a space that has significance, meaning, but most of all, sets a path for future generations to live in harmony with the earth, producing a way of life that surpasses sustainability. If I cannot achieve this goal in my lifetime, at least I can help to start the process and be a catalyst for change. Personally, I’m a very simple person that takes a lot of thought into everything I do and in everything that interests me. These interests include a vast array of music (the structure of melodies and dissonance to create balance), foreign languages and cultures (the impetus of designs and the reason for actions), cooking food (the making of a whole greater than the sum of its parts), and the city itself. I feel that by receiving financial aid through the school, I would be without worry of wondering how I will have to afford materials and be able to focus solely on research and design. I feel when money is left out of the equation, the bounds of ability are nonexistent and the possibilities of great work are infinite. Focusing my goals on improving the city and addressing the need for great places, I hope to obtain assistance from the school to be able to solve great urban issues – the ones that first piqued my interest and started me down this path of improvement not only for myself but for the greater good.


I think I did pretty well for my response, so I'm hoping everything else pulls through. I know my GPA isn't the highest, but that's why I'm going to get all A's this semester and redeem it. Let's just hope for the best.


I made the best of my last full weekend of partying, though in all honesty I didn't finish all of my homework yet; that and I really haven't begun my Design work that is due Wednesday. I'm not really worried about it, though I wonder if that is because of my confidence in my abilities or the fact that I feel I'm slowly receding back again. It's never good when I feel I'm watching my own life happen - I don't like it. I know I'm doing better than I have before, but still the thoughts creep in. Especially when I get caught up in my appearance, which isn't something I like, either. Going out Saturday night was redeeming in the fact that I received multiple compliments on my outfit and even more regarding my tie, but it doesn't help the fact that I'm only just a cute face to most and largely ignored. I have my friends and that is nice, but even then it's like an ensemble cast: we each play our different parts and work off each other. For once, I'd like to be the main star, I want someone to make me their lead. Though I know in the back of my mind that I am happy being single and that I need to focus on school and not getting a significant other. ><>
Throughout the night I was also etching down some lyrics and such b/c they came out randomly when I was reflecting on what's gone on. Hopefully they spark something in you, whether good or bad.

Something dark:

Just want to clench up and curl into the smallest thing that you'll never see

Leave me be

Hiding under the covers like no other the world I hope never sees

Don't watch me shatter like glass

Just look pass

Don't even gaze at my glazed over eyes

Don't hear my muffled cries

Don't touch my trembling hands

Because you don't understand the pain is stranger than the way that I feel


Something happy:

"I'm just an innocent

I'm just a heaven sent

A seraph with the best intentions

Unfortunately human in definition

That's why I wear my sins

All with a little grin

I only mean the best

And until I lay to rest

I'll still have Him on my mind"


Monday is the start of something great.

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